Sometimes I don’t have enough time to take a long bath. I barely have time to get a quick shower. But it is charming in a way, having to do everything so fast you barely notice you’re wet. And maybe having someone jump into the action, unninvited but never unwelcomed, for a good quickie.

I’m going to level with you. I don’t want to talk. I just want to get dressed, down and dirty on this same bed. Don’t talk, don’t make a sound. Just take me like and make me yours like a big caveman. Are you man enough for it?

Forgive me, my master, for I have sinned. I had impure thoughts about you ravaging my body that I seemed to have enjoyed too much. I’m afraid I touched myself in a very inappropriate way. Maybe I should just enact my fantasy before you decide my punishment.

I feel so helpless against these rocks, knowing I’ve got nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. I must throw myself at the mercy of my captor and comply to all his wishes, however dark and perverted. With my body as the only currency to earn my freedom.

Going on patrol on the Thai jungle can be very dangerous. You have to be on the lookout for sex guerrillas who will stop at nothing to submit their enemies and defile them in unspeakable manners. Sometimes, not even camouflage can do the trick, so a distraction is in order. Click here to see my plan in action.

There are more than one way to make the most of your old trusty sofa. Take me, for example. I like to pretend to ride its arm to tease my boyfriend when he’s paying more attention to the TV than me. It usually takes him out of his slumber and makes him want to ride me instead.

I’ll pretend you’re a football-obsessed husband and I’m the horny neglected wife. Maybe I’ll just throw away all your junk food and offer you a different kind of appetizer to take you away from the TV screen. Maybe it’s not the Friday Night game, but I’m sure you would rather score yourself.

That wrong turn at Albuquerque must have led me to a Dinosaur-infested area. I’m helpless against those big brutes. I wonder if a strong, muscular caveman would come to my rescue. I’d be willing to go to his cave and thank him properly.